Pissed, Sad, and Unreasonable

Let's get this straight. Rather than typing this, I know that I should be doing other productive things but I just want to get this out of my system first.

My degree does not offer any internship. It offers a very limited array of jobs and most of which are not to my complete liking. Why did I not think about this before if I knew this would happen? Heck, I do not know. I was too disinterested with the future and I just focused on what was given to me at those times.

The corporate world is very new to me. I am scared that it will eat me alive.

I am a Type 1. I have the need to know everything first before I venture into something. I want to know what I must do and how I must do things. Training for newbies is not always available in companies. If so, they only teach the way around the company and not the work itself. I feel so lost already.

I just left med school. The pressure of having to find a career path that equals or surpasses the experience and salary of being a doctor is really a heavy burden... most especially when the side comments come from my family. I have almost always been on top and now I am at the bottom I feel like I am nothing. And it sucks. I just made a "wrong move" (i.e. A move that costed a lot of pain for the people who cannot accept) and I am scared to do another. I want to make it right but I do not know what is right and what is proper.

I do not know where to start. I feel like a kid who was left alone to survive and fend for herself without any skill or knowledge of what is out there. I need guidance. Correct, unjudged guidance.

After months of "inactivity", I must admit that I have lost a lot of my spirit to fight life head on. I have become scared. I feel like I am good for nothing. Those feelings are really hard to live by.

I have been eating some of the best fishes of the sea but I know not to catch even the small ones. I do not really know how they expect me to steer my life when I was not really given the freedom to do so before. I do not want to blame but I just do not like the expectations.