Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Still, barely moving
Racing thought after thought
What ifs, what could have beens, what shoulds

Still, barely moving
Moving backwards but moving
Racing thought after thought
Which race, which battle

Still, barely moving
Caught between everything
Caught within oneself
Hesitations, doubts, fears

Still, barely moving
Can't forget, can't escape
Don't know where to stand
Merely floating

Of knowns and everyone yet
Unknown with no one
With places to go yet
Still, barely moving

Of getting it and keeping it there...

In (sort of) continuation of my previous post, I think I already get this dome placement thing (que formal, no?) that my teacher has been telling me all this time. It's different now because I don't do what I have always been doing... which is quite wrong, I guess. I have less to no strain now and it's surprising how uplifting and freeing those high notes are! I usually want to just sulk in the corner far away from the piano whenever I see a note higher than A. Haha!

I guess part of this epiphany (lol) is the determination I got from last week's lesson. I was not in my best and I did not give my all because I got bombarded on what I must be doing. Everything went crazy in my head and we had to go back to placement. Though it's very helpful, it's still a little frustrating! I must know where to resonate by now. Part of the epiphany too was what my speech pathologist said. She said that my improvement now depends wholly on myself and my determination to improve. My teacher and doctor will not be forever there and I will have to eventually be on my own (a lesson learned in an unexpected way). It was really inspiring!

I made it a point that I would go to the lesson today in full confidence and presence. With an open mind and with an understanding heart. I vocalized and practiced breathing prior and I guess they really helped!

I am now more conscious of the goings-on in my throat and respiratory cavities. I do hope that I completely master them soon! I now know the feeling and, like in biking, I had a hint that I would eventually get it properly soon. Now is the time for retention! Practice! Practice! Practice! :)

Of learning...

As a kid, I have always loved learning. It always fascinates me when I get to know something new or add something to what I already know. I don't think it's being nerdy. It's just a fact of life that we always learn.

Last Sunday, we had a "very family Sunday". I said that because we don't usually bond on Sundays. On a typical Sunday, we just rest in our own rooms. Last Sunday, however, we were practically together the whole day.

We went to Tagaytay and Batangas. We ate breakfast at Cafe Breton. We went to the Taal Yacht Club. We stayed at Balai Isabel. The day was pretty long and fun!

I learned how to sail that morning with the help of Kuya Elmer, who was very nice. He told me about the wind direction, the tacking and jiving, the radder and the rope, and other things. He was a little quiet but it was fine. The wind was very gentle when we started which helped me learn without panicking! After a few hours, the wind started to get a little strong, but not so much to cause me to worry. It was fun! I learned a lot! I thought I'd get soaked like the last time, but I didn't. It was pretty easy, actually, compared to windsurfing.

That afternoon, I learned how to ride a bike as well. There was a bike rental at the resort we stayed in. The guy from the rental, my dad, and my mom cheered me on and helped me learn. It was pretty hard learning with lots of eyes on me but I just shrugged it off. After learning to balance without moving (which might have not helped at all), I tried riding on the ramp. It was easier! I had initial problems with the pedal because I fail to pedal with the second foot. But then I learned it. However, I had problems with my 3rd pedal. I eventually learned it all in about 2 hours or less. I just put into mind what they have told me and I sang a song in my head. No joke! The song helped. I sang "You There In The Back Row". Not your typical powersong but it has this line that says, "keep on going, spotlights, music playing". It really helped me. I also learned to be one with the bike. I learned where ny weight goes and where I should move the handles. After getting it, I still rode it for.a while to make sure that I have the muscle memory. It was a momentous event. In the words of my mom, ang ganung bagay daw dapat ipa-pansit!

Happy kid!

Friday, January 25, 2013

Unexpected leaving

I started my therapy late last year upon the recommendation of my doctor. I really did not know what to expect again since I have already gone to that road six years ago.

This time around, we let go of the breathing exercises. We focused more on the production of voice. I must say that I really have learned a lot. I do try to practice what we do in the sessions in everyday life.

This morning, we did some drills as usual and we also did something new. It's question and answer. No more reading. No preparation. Just spontaneity while trying to think about all the techniques. Some of the questions were weird and some were okay. I babbled a few times since I did really know how to expound my answers. But I guess it's okay. I really am more of a writer than a speaker.

Anyway, after the q and a, my doctor told me that she was already willing to let me go. Straight to the point. No clues. No hints. I was surprised. I was not sure of what to feel at that moment.

She said that I am able to apply what we have been learning if I just focus more. She said that for the next days, my improvement will all be up to myself.

It feels great that I know what to do already but I really didn't want the sessions to end just yet! We're meeting on the 28th of Feb for "maintenance". But still.

I do hope that I remember it all! I read the Timekeeper out loud a while ago. I plan on doing that method until I finish the book. Funny (and cool) that the technique stays with me after a while. I got a little sleepy though so I rested.

Though I will apply the techniques in conversation, I will still make it a point that I read out loud at the end of the day.

Such bittersweet!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Teaching Doesn't Mean It's Over


I love Bunheads. I was attracted to it at first because Sutton Foster was there. I mean, it's Sutton Foster. Come on! Anyway, I love the humor and sarcasm of the show. It's a pretty light story but delighting nonetheless. Have I stated that it focuses on ballet? Yup. Plus points.

Though it really makes me laugh most of the time, it still has serious points (like the one in the picture). It is one of my favorite lines from the show and from... life. I used to think, too, before that teaching means the end. I mean, you learn because you want to do, not really not teach it again. Well, at least for me. But through the months, I realized that it's not so bad after all, or at all rather. It's the noblest profession because you mold the younger ones. You put them before yourself. Service at its best.

And hey, teaching doesn't mean it's over. There will always be time for you and your craft. :)

Sunday, January 20, 2013

MuseScore

I was supposed to get the piano then play and record manually the voices of this piece. However, I searched for a software that could make my life a little easier. Lo and behold MuseScore! It's so fascinating and quite hard to play around. Maybe I do not know much about music yet.

Oh well. Non-sight reader problems. Hoohumm

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Stuck

I posted the previous entry yesterday but it didn't go through. I finished my work in pencil. But I've been told that I should do it in ink. I don't know the instructions for ink! Gosh. I am waiting for people to reply but I'm not getting any yet. Whoosh. I so want to finish this already!

Staring. Just staring.

I remember how long it took me to do the construction lines of this plan. Gaah. I'm just staring and maybe planning my attack on this. Hehe.


Monday, January 14, 2013

Run!!!

Due to the gastronomic sins committed during the yuletide season, I gained a few pounds of fat. I am now determined to run my way to fitness! I am hoping to burn the fat or replace the fat with muscle. Whoo!

I ran, walked, and jogged around the football field 10x today. I never thought I could! Define push. My gastrocnemious hurts once in a while and my left leg hurt quite a bit. I had fun though! I hope I will still be able to walk in the morning. Hehe!


Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Rain in Spain

My speech pathologist sent me a few exercises a few days ago to help with my sulcus vocalis. I finished running them through and I thought of recording myself just to see progression.

My throat kind of feels enflamed at the moment. I don't know why. I did everything I should. Or at least I did. I am partly confident that I did. Anyway, I guess it's time to rest for now. I'll repeat later and the days to follow! :)

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Hair Treatment!

I spent this afternoon at Studio Fix GB5. I had a hair treatment because my hair was terribly dry due to the chemicals of my soft curl session last October. It's a little bit more pricy that I expected but I like my curls better now. I doubt my hair would stay this way for a long time though. Let's see how long this will keep!

And, well, I played with the camera when I got home and took these shots:

I wonder

Sometimes when I perform badly or less than my standard, I wonder if it is still worth it. If I am chasing an impossible thing. If I'm just living a lie.

It takes time to improve, I know. But I had all the time when I was younger but I did not make use of it. Beyond bad habits, I have serious reasons why I am not as capable. I do not want those to stop me however.

At the end of the day, I know, in my heart, that I really want them. But there are just times when I feel like I will not get over the anxiety and everything else.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Down

I tweeted, "Today, I am a big disappointment." It sucks how this day feels like a waste of good energy!

It started this morning when it took me around 30 mins to pick which clothes to wear. I am not wearing anything fancy or nice at the moment but I, myself, cannot believe the amount of time I spent on that! I kept on changing clothes because I thought the match looked hideous. Ugh.

Next was in my music class. I was asked by my teacher some interesting questions that I would normally answer enthusiastically and in a very long manner. Those were just sharing questions but still. She asked how my vacation went, how Les Miz was, and what I thought of Regine's concert. I said that they're all okay. WHAAAT?!? I expounded very little and very brief! I must have been the most boring person ever having said those to topics that interest me. Huhu. What's wrong with me? Need I say how I performed? Well, okay. I still don't get the dome and forward placement. For the bth time. Kill me.

Last (up to this writing) was when I came out late when I was fetched. My mom got a little mad, I guess. My brother still had to be picked up from school after me. Though I believe that it's not really a big loss since his school is a stone's throw away from our place, her point might be making time for my brother no matter what vehicle we use.

I disappointed myself, my teacher, my mom, and myself again. Whaddup, Angela?!

And again, I will be hard on myself because of this. Ugh. Do better please!