No Direction

One of the reasons why I enrolled last term in ID is because I want to be able to say something with weight when asked how I am now after Med. I see it as a safety floater as I float in the uncertainty of my life. It makes me not feel less of a person as compared to when I am doing "nothing".

I originally wanted to balance work with ID or whatever else with ID. So far, however, I have only been focused on that and my other extra curricular activities. The main goal was put aside, yet again. Not only that, after almost 2 months here, I have a feeling that I am doing the same mistake again.

I like my classes. They can be easy, challenging, or make me want to have a hand massage everyday. The classes are okay but when I look at the bigger picture, there I go again. What will become of me after this? Do I really want ID? Why did I not just push through with Set Design immediately?

One of the things that I least like about the classes is dressing up the furniture. Not liking that part of the program is a scary signal that I am not for it. I always feel stressed in coming up with a design. We never hired an interior designer for our houses so I guess venturing in these waters is pretty different for me.

I want to design sets, not houses, not hotels, etc. But the career for a production designer is not as big as an ID. What am I going to do.

I want thinking/strategy jobs. It makes me feel more relevant and smart.

I want to teach science but I do not want to take up MA.

I need to think of a business that will click.

I want to make movies.

I need to extend my network.

ID was never an option until I knew a school with a flexible schedule and learned that it can help with scenic design.

All these frustrated thoughts creep up on me once in a while. If the world will end soon, I guess it will give me lesser problems, but where's the fun in that? I feel so stuck. I feel like I don't know if I am in the right path. Gaaah. How do all those people do it?!