Note to self for 2013

There is more to life than watching other people live it.

From Hitch

Of Strength, Courage, and Confidence...

I saw these beautiful quotes a while ago and I thought of sharing them with you!

True strength is keeping everything together when everyone expects you to fall apart.
- Unknown

"Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes"
- Maggie Kuhn, Social Activist

Courage is not living without fear.
Courage is being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway.
- Chae Richardson

Be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now but it cant rain forever.
- Hailee

Don't start your day with the broken pieces of yesterday
- Unknown

A strong person is not the one who doesn't cry. A strong person is one who is quiet and sheds tears for a moment, and then picks up her sword and fights again..
- Sweet misery

It takes strength to be firm and it takes courage to be gentle.
It takes strength to conquer and it takes courage to surrender.
It takes strength to be certain and it takes courage to have doubt.
It takes strength to fit in and it takes courage to stand out.
It takes strength to feel a friend's pain and it takes courage to feel your own pain.
It takes strength to endure abuse and it takes courage to stop it.
It takes strength to stand alone and it takes courage to lean on another.
It takes strength to love and it takes courage to be loved.
It takes strength to survive and it takes courage to live.
- Unknown

Sometimes you gotta jump,
Just to see if you can fly
- Miranda Lambert

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
- Raymond Lindquist, writer

You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. ~William J.H. Boetcker

Every artist was first an amateur. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is truly said. It does not take much strength to do things, but it requires great strength to decide what to do. ~Chow Ching

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence is the key to unlocking our potential. ~Winston Churchill

Always do what you are afraid to do. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
Eleanor Roosevelt 

"Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known."
-Garrison Keillor

 Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”
- August Wilson

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
-Unknown Author

Once you realize how valueable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward toward the life that God intended for you... with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.
- Og Mandino

Pastilles

Why do good things taste bad or at least not to my liking? I sang with the music to the fireworks yesterday and forced my voice volume a bit louder because Paskuhan was just too crowded and noisy. My throat kind of hurt last night and I feel that taking this would do me well.

It tastes like its tea version plus methol. Gaaah! I don't like the tea version either. I hope this melts fast in my mouth.

Just saying...

I used to be scared of 12/21/12 but then I got tired. I realized that if the end would happen, then it would. Why live the remaining days feeling bothered and anxious? Though I think about it at times, I stopped believing that it would happen.

But if it does or if I do, I would just like to say that even though I want to learn more, sing more, dance more, travel more, eat more, love more, and more of everything else, I have reached a point where I feel contented of what I am and what has happened to me. This contentment brings joy and also brings hope for better things.

I would make this fast and brief (but sincere, nonetheless) as I only have a few minutes left of 12/20 GMT 8. This will be longer if I had the time. I do not know if this will ever be read but I want to feel happy and thankful in these minutes. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much to... (not in any order... sort of)

Mama, for always being there for me. You have sacrificed a lot and you have given so much. You deserve more than the love we show you but you always choose us still. Thank you for understanding and accepting and supporting. Sorry when I have disappointed you and when I answer back. I love you way too much and I really pray that you will always be healthy. Thank you for always giving your best to us. Though I might have wished that you pushed me more at some parts of my life, it's okay. You still are the best for me.

Papa. For the help in school, for the help in projects, for the help in everything else, thank you. Even though things have gotten a little awkward lately, I am still thankful that you are my Papa. I've gotten my headstrong quality and innovative thinking from you. I don't talk a lot but I love you always.

Audric for being happy most of the time. Though I used to hate it when you take so much of the bed, I am okay now. Hehe! You are always a happy kid and that's always a great reason to be around you. Please always have to heart to serve others and please always consider other people. I can't wait for you to find your passion. You have a great mind and a sweet heart, use them and you can move the world. I love you, little brother.

Tita Lay, for always helping me and the family. You have always been there and ready to help us. Even though you always work so much, I rarely hear you complain. You are very hardworking and loving. Thank you for taking care of me when I was a kid and until up to now. I wish you more blessings because you deserve them.

Rest of my family. Thank you for being there for me and for the rest of the family. Sana damayan lagi at walang awayan. I love you all. Salamat sa suporta. I wish you all the best in life.

Berna and Sam. I am surprised and thankful that you were very present when I needed somebody this June. I was in the lowest point of my life and you were there to support and push me. I hate being seen weak but thank you for understanding and being there. Thank you for helping me find and open new doors. I love you girls and I really hope everything will turn out well for the both of you. Love life and career. Magaling kayo pareho, alam ninyo yun. I wish you enough courage and strength to do whatever you want.

Zy'e for being with me as well. I am glad that I joined PSB because I got to spend more time with you. Kahit once a week lang or kung may thing si Steph. Hehe. Super thank you for everything. You were there to listen to me as I poured my heart out or when I had completely nothing important to say. Because of you, I learned to be patient in waiting. I also learned about tofu chips and heartdog. Salamat sa pagturo ng steps when I completely don't get them. Thank you for always giving. Thank you sa paghatid at pagsundo. Salamat talaga sa lahat. I am really thankful that we're closer now na kahit snide remarks chill lang. I love you, Zy'e. You have a good heart. I hope that in the near future, you will not push yourself into doing something just to please others. I really hope that you find your way and you will be complete mind, heart, and soul in the process.

Steph. Kahit malayo ka dati, you always made a point to reach us. Thank you for being there when I needed you. Thank you for the advice. Thank you for the free stays in Rada! I hope you find a great partner soon. Haha. You are equipped with quality education (lol) and I know that you will make it big at one point. Always stay humble and grounded. I hope to see you succeed! Love you!

Darl. I hope you get in St. Scho na! Or anywhere else. You have a heart to serve and you always give your best. Sana di ka na masyadong busy so you have time for everyone. Hope you'll always be well. Salamat sa lahat!

Julia. Your mind is different (in a good way) and very creative. Your beautiful works will be big one day. I hope you'll be a great mommy as you are as a friend. Thanks for everything, Gums. I do hope that everything will turn out to be okay for you. Rainbow after the rain? Love you.

Joy. Thank you for being there for me when we were in college. You saw my crazy and serious side. I saw yours too... but more on the crazy side. Haha! Kidding. Anyway, thank you for listening. Thank you sa encouragement. Thank you for always wanting to watch my recital and actually being there! Salamat sa suporta. I hope you will continue to work hard to reach your doctor dreams. Hehe. Proud of you!

Rest of VEH, thank you sa lahat. Salamat sa tawanan, gossip, at kung anu ano pa. I hope you will all become great doctors one day. Tulungan tayo. Sana palagi kayong masaya at sana matulog kayo paminsan minsan. Try ninyo lang. Hehe! Love you, VEH. If things will not work out the way you planned, know that the energy to change your path is within you. Find your strength and do what it takes.

Ms. Marianne. Thank for nitpicking every time we have lessons. Salamat sa pagturo sa akin ng tama at maling pagkanta. I know we almost always have the same corrections every class pero siguro konting practice and in time, I will be able to correct my habits. Thank you for making each class light and informative. Ang dami kong natutunang techniques. I even wrote them all down so I will remember. Hehe. I hope your TMJ will be gone na so you can sing more freely (kahit sobrang galing na kahit meron). And I hope you take those aerobics and dance classes na rin so you can land on all the lead roles. Konting praktis at confidence lang sa dancing and you will be okay! I'm glad that you are doing what you love for a living. Not all people do. I wish you and your family all the best! Stay happy :) And don't forget to rest once in a while para hindi ka po palaging nagkakasakit.

Ms. Vanessa. Thank you for the years of music. You heard me when I was starting and you are still with me now when I am trying to have a better control of my instrument. Thank you po sa corrections at sa oras. I hope you'll have a happy family!

To everyone else, thank you for everything. You have touched my life and taught me something. For those, I am eternally grateful. Salamat salamat salamat!!!

I am playing Miss Saigon Cast Recording. I know it's a sad musical. But I love this musical.
I noticed that I am wearing magenta the whole day (from Misa de Gallo up to my pajamas). Second favorite color.
Weehee. Positive vibes!!!

PSB Experience

I started August looking for a good studio/school for jazz. My friend was so nice to accompany me around Manila as we took sample classes. I've tried quite a few but none of them really passed what I wanted. Most of them were like gym classes wherein you just dance and you don't really get corrected and all. Since this friend of mine was in a ballet school which offers jazz in particular seasons, she asked me to try it out in her school. I did and I was more than happy to be able to be a part of PSB!

I started jazz in PSB in September. They were only offering intermediate jazz because almost all their jazz dancers were already in advanced ballet. Jazz being a split of ballet and contemporary and the school catering mostly to who they already have, they offer intermediate. I was kind of hesitant at first because I didn't know jazz to get in in the intermediate level already. I tried the first trial class (for free), got all crazy because the steps were given too fast (and the others got them right away!), but I had fun. I got nervous at some points and there were times that I didn't want to attend classes anymore because I felt like I was too "raw" to join, but I just shrugged off the feeling and here I am, four months after.

The journey has been fun and challenging. I am probably one of the most inflexible people ever. I started without being able to touch my toes, with always feeling heavy, and with having cramps the morning after classes. Now, I can reach my toes (lol) and I have better muscle strength and flexibility. I am not as flexible as a ballerina yet, but I'm better than before... and that's good!

I am not really super close with anyone in class yet (expect my old friend, of course) but it got better when the recital neared. Some of them were really friendly and most are encouraging. Almost everyone is at least 4 years younger than I am, but I am happy that I am still able to "understand" and have fun with that generation.

The teacher was good and funny! He didn't expect too much and give too much pressure when I couldn't follow the steps or do them properly (but I really tried to). He gave me different exercises and he was just nice in totality.

Here are some pictures I took:

First few steps of the dance (I had to draw them--hehe!)

With the ate who closes the studio every night. She always brings Kyle (dog) with her and I always get scared. Eep!

With Zy'e after one of the rehearsals

I have always wanted one of these and now I have them! I have always been fascinated with its heels.

After I practiced the dance at home! Kinda sweaty and all.

Because of jazz, I try to stretch and do more exercises. Here I am after one at home. Career!

Outside the studio. Waiting for our sundo.

Bruises. I also had some on my knees but there are no pictures.

What I do when I come early enough for warm up but not part of the class. Heee!

Last reminders for the recital! Company call. I was only familiar with the jazz dancers. There were lots of ballerinas! We almost filled the whole studio!

Because of jazz, I was "forced" to learn to do my own make up. Not bad?

After our TDR! Weeee! Star City Theater has really clean and bright dressing rooms, btw.

Me after the show (with a pretty bouquet!)

Props to the other dancers for always trying their best in all the dances. From the babies to the ates, they were all a joy to watch. The character dances were short but beautiful. I loved Habagat too. I love the entire show, bias aside. I used to have moments of sleepiness when watching classical ballet but for this one, I never felt sleepy. This maybe because I am part of the show but I guess this is more of because I somehow saw each and everyone work their butts off for a great performance. I now know how hard it is to do some of the ballet steps, how you want to do everything right and almost perfect.

I enjoyed my stay and I hope to continue next year! They don't offer jazz until March and I am not sure if I want to join ballet first. Eep! Anyway, thank you PSB for the experience! =)

Gratitude

I would just like to use this post to thank different people (whom I won't name) for their kind and generous words. I do not brag. I just silently appreciate words that I, myself, don't know how to answer back. I am usually full of doubt and I usually lack the confidence but thank you for appreciating and telling me. Though I don't completely know if they're real, they mean a lot already.

Thank you to the pianist who took his time to go with me downstairs and told me that I should continue singing to improve my voice better. Thank you for hearing beyond the flat notes (lol) and soft shifts. Thank you for saying the star possibility. I do not know you at all but thank you.

Thank you to the teacher who appreciated my painting when I thought it looked like pee. Thank you for keeping it and posting it!

Thank you to the people who thought that I danced well in one finale. I do not dance ballet now but thank you for appreciating me do it even for a few seconds.

Thank you.

I am not really the best person to react to compliments. I do not know how to react to compliments, actually, without squirming or something like that. I might even confuse confidence with humility because of so but I digress. Anyway, these were all comments outside my science field and for that reason, they are a little more special to me. Thank you. I hope I can do better.

Choco Nutella Fudge with Mediterranean Salt

I made some fudge the other day thanks to a website that I was aimlessly browsing. My mom and I brought materials at the grocery and made the fudge right after dinner! I just mixed the ingredients over a double broiler since the chocolate had to be melted. It was fun! We left the fudge to cool in the ref for a day and cut it for everyone.

My dad found it too salty (lol) ad my brother was feeling nit picky. Only my mom liked it. Or so I think? The Butella flavor overpowers it all and I guess we should serve the fudge with bread to make it like a ganache.

Make Up!

I'm the type of girl who is very much contented with using baby powder and lip balm for everyday. However, since I would need to do my own make up for the show on Wednesday, I bought some yesterday. I am more accustomed in going to the salon to have my hair and face done. From primer to the touch up powder, we bought everything. This was courtesy of my mom, by the way. Anyway, below is the loot! I'll be experimenting with them a little later so I won't be all wide-eyed on Wed!

Last Post Before the Term Ends!

We will be having our last final exam later in Color Theory. I am so happy to start the vacation! I long to sleep longer! I have been sleeping at around 2 or 4 lately. With or without plates. Crazy! Anyway, I am really exhausted right now. I can't wait to sleep tomorrow! Wahaha! After the run thru of Nutcracker, I will go home and sleep. (Well, this is only because Rise of the Guardians is not showing anymore. Bummer!)

Vacation starts. More planning. More everything! Acck! Too excited for Christmas too! Goodness, I pray that the world won't end just yet! People have yet to open my gifts and I have yet to watch Les Miz! Whooo!

Better hit the sack now so I won't be so moody in the morning! Have a great day, y'all!

Pouring emotions before working

It's 11:25 and I hope to start working by 11:30.

Anyway, I have a lot on my plate this weekend and I just don't know how my next week will turn out to be. It's our finals week. It's the Christmas party week! A lot will happen next week and even on this weekend! My heart cannot take all the stress. I just want to go to the spa or something. Acck! Stress brought by the holiday!

Don't get me wrong though. I love Christmas! I love the giving. I love the love. It's so... festive. Hehe! I just really have a lot to do and I feel so weak! Gaaah!

I even have dance rehearsals tomorrow! Oh my goodness.

Help me, God.

Negatividad

Tonight was one of those moments when you just suddenly fill yourself up with worries, anxieties, jealousies, and whatnot. There really comes a time when you just keep quiet and these things surprise you. Pure, human emotion that make you feel bad about your life.

Not good enough. Sigh.

PETA Weekend Showcase

I learned that PETA would be conducting workshops late this year when I watched BONA at the PETA Theater a few months ago. I initially wanted to join with my friends but due to conflict of schedules, I opted not to anymore. Four of my friends pushed through with it though and I had the opportunity to watch their culminating event last Sunday!

PETA offered Basic Acting, Theater Arts, and Creative Musical Theater classes. Two of my friends joined BA and another two (plus one teacher) joined CMT. The showcase included all these 3 in one show so even  though I did not have anyone to root for in TA, I was able to watch it.

I really, really (like seriously) wanted to watch ever since I knew that my friends joined so I was persistent on asking them for tickets! Each student only had 2 tickets for guests per show and they had 2 shows. Simple math, each student had 4 tickets and no other tickets were sold. I was a little heartbroken because I knew then that they would choose their family members to watch them. I was a little too happy though when I learned that one friend didn't have anyone to watch her. (Okay, maybe I shouldn't be happy for that reason.) I grabbed the opportunity and asked a common friend to watch with me.

The event happened on the last day of the long weekend. Good thing I had a recital that Saturday so my family did not plan any trips for that weekend and I was able to watch! My house is a stone's throw away from Dangwa and I got 5 tulips before coming to the theater. My original plan of chocolate bouquets did not push through because I was pressed for time. Anyway, the show started a few minutes after I came.

I wish I was able to see the whole ticket. I never knew what was supposed to be turned off. Haha!

With Eric and Partner at the theater lobby

The director of the Workshop Weekends announced that some parts of the showcase of Basic Acting would be held outside the theater, around the lobby and halls. BA students started popping out of nowhere delivering a line or delivering their monologues right after his announcement. Their pieces were excerpts from different Filipino plays which they managed to put together in a cohesive finale. Most of the students projected their voice well and clear. They really memorized and practiced their pieces as evidenced by the continuous monologues and dialogues. I hardly noticed anyone falter!

One of the students portraying someone who cheats in a Math exam. She had notes written even on her bandages! This was at the lobby.

My friend who portrayed a seller of Good Food, Good Heart. This was taken at the dining hall.

Seller's lament. Good job, Marjorie!

Some of the BA students waiting/watching their classmates.

Jean (foreground) and Marj (background)

Dialogue between a caring mom and her lesbian daughter who wants to be pregnant.

Can you imagine the tension? Believable acting, Jean!

After a few pieces at the lobby and at the hall, the audience was directed to one of the theaters for the remaining pieces and shows. The pieces they performed varied immensely because of their different themes and conflicts. Some of those that I remember were about failed suicide (I can still hear the loud "dugo" in my head.), love meanings, laments of a seller, mom's concerns, rape, financial problems due to crazy adoration, love found, and love lost. Significant lines from each piece were repeated at the finale to bring the pieces together and give out a parting lesson for the audience.

After they delivered a line from their piece to be woven together for the finale. Ganda!

After their performance with the director hosting

Distribution of certificates

  

Group shot! BA 2012.

The showcase of Theater Arts class followed BA's. I am not sure but I think they made their own script and music. I did not take any pictures so I will try to make it up with words.

From what I grasped, the story revolved around the questions that people have of the people around them. Since the characters came from different walks of life, it was but natural that they have different questions and stories. All these characters happen to wait for their ride at the waiting shed where the takatak lady and beggar were. One story included the breakup of long distance lovers. "Why did they break up?" The heartbreak caused the girl to have brain cancer and caused the girl to want to die. It got bizarre when the doctor let the girl die minutes after her announcement of the girl's remaining months on earth. It turned out that the doctor was actually the boy's new found love. It sounds all heavy but it was actually comedic! And yes, they got together after the death. Another story involved an ulirang ina. Though she seemed very doting to her daughters, she had a dark secret. "Who killed their father?" This mother did but she did it for the sake of her family. The other story involved kidnapping of the owner of a taxi company by a former employee. "Why?" One of the policemen who responded turned out to be a lover of the kidnapper. He did the act to get 5M pesos for their gay marriage in New Zealand. The told stories were only some of the stories that the takatak lady and beggar knew about. Though the passengers seem like they were not bearing anything, each of them had their own stories and questions beneath. You can tell from the flow that not only the passengers but everyone has their own questions only if we try to look deeper.

Instead of the finale bringing the pieces together like in BA, TA's show was brought together by a takatak lady and a beggar who somehow narrated the show. Some songs and dances were included in the show. For their songs, they changed the lyrics of some of the popular folk songs to wittingly fit whichever scene they were doing. However, the first and last songs, I think, were originals. I have to say that the stage presence of some of the students outshone some of the others. Overall, though, the show was good and really fun to watch!




The last showcase was for CMT. I was super excited because I have friends in the show! Anyway, since it's musical theatre, it included acting, singing, and dancing. The story was adapted from "Ang Sistema ni Propesor Tuko". Their script and their songs were all original though! It's just amazing how they were able to put the show up in a span of weeks.

Their show was called Section X (the only title I remember of all the 3 shows). The story was about a bunch of high school students who were going through the ups and downs (but mostly downs) of their lives. Exams, bullies, prom, and graduation were all in store for them. Though their lives were already hard, it only got worse since they have the strict Madame X as their adviser.

Singing a very catchy song about their hard lives. Ay, juskupo!

I loved the bright colors! The umbrellas here foretell the climax of the story.

My friend, Jackie!

Another, Eds!

You can see here how students feel around Madame X!

My teacher in the only printed outfit. I'm a proud student.

Madame X upon noticing how rowdy Section X was

Little romance between the nerd and the good guy

The terror of Madame X!

Squat! I love the levels!

I forgot what was being sung here. I think it was a little description and background about Madame X. Oh, and the tocinos!

Planning about their future... career.

The "athletic" group!

This was the song where every character shared their aspirations and worries about the future. Some knew exactly what they wanted. Some had to choose another path they dislike. Some had no idea at all. I don't really remember all the lyrics of the song but I remember being touched by this scene. It hits home.

About to announce the candidates for graduation!

I loved the determination of everyone here!

After their exams, Madame X announced the list of graduating students. Everyone would graduate, except the smartest who was accused of cheating. The whole class got up to their stools (Gaah, levels!) and stood up (quite literally) against Madame X. This was really good because they reasoned out in the way Madame X taught them. Damayan. All for one. Madame X was caught in the middle so she said that those who wouldn't graduate couldn't attend the prom as well. Talk about double whammy! Due to this, a lot of students thought about not going to the prom anymore.

Mildred and Madame X

The section's nerd and Madame X bumped into each other on their way home. This was the turning point of the story. We saw here Madame X's vulnerable side. Her accented "r"s were gone and her tone was different. She had a lot of disconnections. She had a lot to pay. When she asked Mildred if she was going to the prom, a some sort of deeper understanding of her character surfaced. Mildred did not want to go because she had no dress and money. Madame X did not go to her prom (hence it was easy for her to not allow her students) but she lent her prom dress to her. (Imagine how old that was?!)

Prom day came and a lot still attended, even Mildred... and the typhoon. Remember the umbrellas? I don't know for the life of me why only Section X didn't get the memo that a typhoon that strong would hit their area. No one else attended the prom and no one else came. Flood started rising and they were all stuck.

Madame X to the rescue with her super funny water floaties! Benta!

I don't really know why I did not get this part as clear as the others. Either the sound effects or mumblings were too loud or I was too busy laughing at the water floaties! Madame X still came to (and I guess dressed for) the prom despite the weather and she rescued her students. As to how? I have yet to ask. Sorry.

After freeing themselves from the flood

Now the "beloved" Madame X.

Madame X was swallowed by the flood (or was it tsunami?!) after she rescued her students. She came out with neck brace and crutches! And of course, this savior act got the heart of her students.

 

Reprise!

CMT 2012

My friends kept on warning me that the show might not be as good because they crammed it. They only learned and finished the finale on the day of the TDR. For a show with concerns like those, they pulled it off amazingly. The songs by Jeff Hernandez were beautiful and catchy. The lyrics were perfect fit as well! Phil Noble's direction stood out. Only CMT had levels (here I go again with this) and you can really see the effective use of space. The cast was amazing too! They had high levels of energy and were in character the whole time. A lot of them have powerful voices considering that they have minimal amplification. Props to Ms. Marianne for bringing the show with the wonderful Madame X. Though the songs were out of her comfort zone, she did well nonetheless! I loved the accent and the acting too! Super funny! Galing!

Congratulations to all PETA graduates! You did not cross an easy path but you came out like what you did was something you normally do. Keep performing!