When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

This might probably be my favorite song at the moment. I know a lot of people can relate to this to the point that Billy Joel finds it normal for people to message him about how amazing this song is. But really, this song is beautiful! I love the melody and, of course, the lyrics.

Vienna 

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart tell me,
Why are you still so afraid? (mmmmm)

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do and only
So many hours in a day (Ay)

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want
Or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through (Oooh)
When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight (tonight)

Too bad, but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right (you're right)

You got your passion, you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true (Oooh)
When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?
Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two (oooh)
When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through (oooh)
Why don't you realize... Vienna waits for you?

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

It speaks so much to me. I am 22 and I have read comments about teenagers feeling they're too old. I mean, come on! ...or am I still a juvenile and we're all feeling old and confused? Heck, why do I like to do so many things and why do all of them do not earn much?

I don't know happiness anymore. I do not know.

At times like this, I wish someone would sit me down and guide me. Because, honestly, I don't know where I'm veering myself. I do not know what on Earth I am doing.

I always feel like this once in a while... but hey, this might be pre-something constant jitters. I am about to apply to UPOU. I do not know if I am in the right direction to my Vienna.

Whoosing Past

This conversation from Julie and Julia has been stuck in my mind for a while now.

"But I'll probably need a deadline."

"Why?"

"Because otherwise it'll be like everything else I do. 'Cause let's face it, I never finish anything."

"Hey."

"Well, it's true. You know why I think it is? ADD."

"You have ADD?"

"Yes. That's why I'm so bad at housework."

"Oh, is that it?"

"I'm just saying, a deadline would be good."

"So a deadline. I love deadlines."

"I love the sound they make as they go whooshing past."

I usually do things on time or even finish them earlier but I noticed that for the past year, I have always been stalling everything unrelated to school. Future plans like teaching, business, dance, solfege lessons, portfolio, etc. They have always been pushed to the side. I think, like Julia in the movie, I have to set my own deadline so I can finish something. I know in the end (or near future) that all these will be in the same priority level as my studies. This lazy bug has to go away.

I'm putting deadlines from now on. It's time to, not just start but, finish things!

REPOST: What You'll Wish You'd Known

I got this from paulgraham.com. Below is the whole inspiring speech in verbatim. I think it's really filled with great thoughts that I wish I should have known when I was in HS.

What You'll Wish You'd Known
Jan 2005

When I said I was speaking at a high school, my friends were curious. What will you say to high school students? So I asked them, what do you wish someone had told you in high school? Their answers were remarkably similar. So I'm going to tell you what we all wish someone had told us. 

I'll start by telling you something you don't have to know in high school: what you want to do with your life. People are always asking you this, so you think you're supposed to have an answer. But adults ask this mainly as a conversation starter. They want to know what sort of person you are, and this question is just to get you talking. They ask it the way you might poke a hermit crab in a tide pool, to see what it does.  

If I were back in high school and someone asked about my plans, I'd say that my first priority was to learn what the options were. You don't need to be in a rush to choose your life's work. What you need to do is discover what you like. You have to work on stuff you like if you want to be good at what you do.

Stronger than what you give credit for.

You don’t even realise how amazing you are,
Over time you will see you have travelled so far,
Uneasy though it may seem you are a shining star.
Although at times your struggles seem never ending,
Read through this all my love I am sending,
Every day waiting to receive just one hug which always seems pending.

Staring at a reflection that always seems blurred,
Trying to forget the hurtful things you’ve heard.
Running away has always been your way to cope,
Only I  would misjudge the steepness of the upcoming slope.
Never wanting anybody to really know,
Giving up but have nothing to show.
Edging near to what you want to be the end,
Regardless of a future you just can’t comprehend.

Taking time to think of process the achievements made,
Happy feelings wishing they had stayed.
Another key element to this is remembering you can’t change what has already been,
Never being able to forget what you have seen.
Years pass you by at times it feels like a lifetime,
Over the years at times you have walked a very thin line,
Underneath all your hurt  the consent fear you have that you think you will never be fine.
Endless tears you seem to cry,
Veins which have been severed  you still say to yourself why.
Everybody looks at you and thinks your fine,
Reoccurring memories there yours and mine.

Guidance we all need it to help us stay on track,
Idiots say things that hurt us at time we feel we may crack.
Venomous words that you then think are fact,
Escalating emotions so tight and compact.
Years you have spent waiting for thing to change,
Over thinking second guessing at times you may  have felt strange.
Unravelling years of mixed up thoughts and feelings,
Struggling to understand things that have no meanings.
Echoes of your past are never far away,
Letting go of the past knowing they will never pay,
Fighting your demons day to day.

Cracked mirror lies on the floor,
Reaching for the exit door,
Every day thinking I can’t do this anymore.
Deep within you something has kept you hanging on,
I know it’s hard when all your fight is gone,
Trust me I know you are not the only one.

Forgiving yourself is so hard to do,
Other people have no clue,
Recovery is a process we need to go through.


(Got this from katimorton.com)

US Trip (Part 2- Days 2 & 3)

Hello, Manhattan! (Day 2)

We woke up a bit early to include other activities before meeting up with our relatives for lunch. We headed to the corner of the street for the nearby subway. It was our first time and we were headed for the Central Park! New York in the morning is a lot cooler than New York at night. I don't know why but maybe because our bodies slowly adapt during the day so it wasn't as cold at night. The NYC Subway is comparable to the ones in Malaysia, only that it's colder in New York. It's quite dirty and loud but it's okay. There are a lot of people but the trains are not as packed as in Manila. When we went there, the fare was 2.50 dollars from your position to anywhere the train can take you. It's pretty cheap if you're going far and not so bad if you're going near. If you mind walking and taking the train, New York traffic is quite bad... but, goodness, nothing beats Manila traffic! We were lucky to have always been on the right side of the train on our first few rides. The trains go both ways and we just happened to be always on the right side! I got all control-freak so I started figuring out the sides. From then on, I made sure we didn't leave it to chance anymore.

Our first subway pass! The material is quite soft so if you don't take good care of it, chances are, it will  not function well. That's what happened to my Papa's card. He swiped it too much and it failed to work.

At the corner of Central Park.

A day at the park :)

Photo op at this big rock formation-- or whatever you call it.

As much as I wanted to go around the whole park, we only stayed here! It's too big.

Since I'm a big fan of the performing arts and it's actually a tourist spot, we headed to the Lincoln Center. It's near Central Park so we just walked our way there. When I checked the performances there, nothing really tickled my fancy but I thought it would be cool to watch recitals of Juilliard students. We didn't have much time though.

I got so excited when I saw this. I'm a fan of GG so yeah.

Lincoln Center! It feels great just to stand here.

We look like we're going to the snow. Haha!

At the fountain! It's so cool.

My brother by the NY Public Library for Performing Arts.

Juilliard! Need I say more? Oh wait, look at that pose. Seems like I'm leaning or something. Haha!

We stayed for a bit at the Lincoln Center. My family sat across the library while I went here. I just stared at this and thought about the opportunities and adventures of the people studying in Juilliard.

If you like the arts, chances are, you know what The Juilliard School is. I mean, come on! They offer one of the best programs for music. Had I wanted to study music, I would have dreamt of studying here. I think music has a different level of difficulty compared to what we studied in the sciences. The big difference in technique and methods make it very appealing and interesting to me. I once thought that the biochemical formulas and figures were crazy hard to understand. Well, they are, but when I look at sheet music, I think it's a different crazy because you don't only rely on what you see and what you think. Rehearsals and years of practice might change my mind but it's pretty overwhelming.

We dropped by a church on the way back. We passed by Fordham, too! Oh well, New York has a lot of good schools!

I think this is St. Paul. It's across Fordham. The churches here are beautiful!

Off to our lunch!

Positive vibes!

What form of sorcery is this?!

I got all OC when I saw my note "45-53" photocopied along with the sheet music. I put the note there so the people who photocopied it wouldn't have a hard time finding the pages anymore. Much to their comfort (or stress), they didn't bother removing the note anymore.

I asked my mom to photocopy the same paper again but not include the note anymore. She cut the paper. I thought she would just cover it with a blank piece of paper. Anyway, the print out turned very light so I just did the work myself.

I photocopied the same, cut paper. I got all OC again because my 3-in-1 printer cannot scan a legal size paper. To cut the already long story short, it took me unreasonable hours, unreasonable amount of papers, and one ink cartridge to print out what I wanted! Actually, I still didn't! I just drew parts of the brackets on one side of the paper because I just couldn't print it properly! I printed the piece 28 times, man!

-_____-

I know I should have just had it photocopied again in the shop but, ha, it would take too much time and effort! Haha. Like what I did didn't. -___-

This is what happens when I'm on a "mission". As what one of the characters from the show this song was gotten from sang, nobody (or in this case, nothing) can bring me down! (Insert funny Tarzan sound)

Today, I am thankful for...

I have been wanting to write a daily entry about the things I am thankful for but I thought it would be fitting to start it at the start of a month. Well, June has started and now is as good a time as any.

• my parents who gave me permission to go to my first shooting day for a friend's thesis film
• my mom who accompanied and looked after me through the whole shoot though I thought that I should be doing some things on my own now
• being safe and having uneventful travel in an unfamiliar place
• having the opportunity to voice out my small thoughts for a sequence and man the camera
• finally being able to taste Nutri Star-- haha
• meeting new, friendly people
• not being bitten or sniffed by dogs even though their barks were as loud as thunder
• being on time (and maybe even earlier) for a lesson even though most roads around and going to the school are being constructed
• meeting my music teacher again after a month
• learning a new technique in voice (stretching/swelling notes that are already in placement, instead of finding the placement again)
• an uneventful elevator ride and walk from 419 to Pergola--- no one was there!
• my mom picking me up from school even though the guards heard when she reprimanded me for not going out early
• my lola being okay
• my hair not puffing
• a random IG person who was sweet enough to tell me that I changed her view of the day