It's almost June.

It will almost be a year since I made the biggest decision of my life. As much as I thought leaving would be a burden off my chest, floating uncertain is also a burden. I have had days when I feel infinite. When I feel like I can do anything and be anyone I dare dream. More often than not, however, I am swallowed by insecurities, disappointments, and questions. Honestly, here I am, almost a year after... and I still don't know where.

After some time, I realized how often I am wronged by my impressions of things. How I did not like some things, but ended up wanting them later. How I am hardheaded about some things. How I refuse to learn and move forward. How I stall. How I am stuck. How I am unwilling to accept. How I value my feelings over what I think. How I cannot say. How I am afraid. How I do not know enough.

I made a long list of new paths early last year and, to be honest, I think it's my cold feet-like stupidity that made me choose the one I did not have my heart into. I know what you're thinking; I've thought about that too. There I was given the opportunity to make it right and do what I want (given that it's not theatre), yet I made a haphazard decision. I remember getting the brochure of Benilde and ranking the degrees I wanted. I missed the one I am taking now. To be honest, I just took it because it's the only one with a flexible schedule. I just added the set designer idea to console me. I took it so I can tell people that I am not a good-for-nothing cum laude that has lost her wits by leaving med school in one of the country's most prestigious schools. After leaving, more than having a happy heart, I had a weary one. One afraid of judgment. I did not own up to my decision. I felt low about myself so I did not want anyone else to feel the same. Had I known that choosing this would still make them feel it, I would have just stopped caring.

Had I known that this needed to be licensed and have me work abroad, would I have chosen it? Does my answer matter now? Questioning and living in the mistakes of the past is no way to move forward. All I have is this and now. And all I can do is make the most out of it, believe that I am up to something great, get a business, and find what else I can do in my spare time. If I want to teach, go to the open university. If I want to work, find time. To be honest, I am pushing myself to the idea of 9 to 5 when I know that I am not meant for that. The stability is ensuring but what is that life?

It's almost June and I have to keep on keeping on.

GWYTK

That moment when this suddenly turns out...

I know it's just the computer and robot giving out random pick me ups. But hey. There's something here. There is.

US Trip (Part 1- Day 1)

Getting There.

We woke up at 3:00 am for our 8:00 am flight in the morning of April 23. The five hours were spent on preparing (bath, brush, etc.), traveling, and waiting, as it is proper to come three hours before an international flight. Nothing much has changed in NAIA 1. If you are a regular flyer and do not have or want to pay extra for lounges, you do not have a lot of food choices and clean, comfortable seating areas. It's not called one of the worsts for nothing. I do not want to sound too superior or too good for it but it just saddens me that efforts are not enough to raise NAIA 1 from its current situation.

We flew via Delta.

I played the trivia game and was part of the high scorers! Booyeah! Haha

The plane ride from Manila to Tokyo was 6 hours. Thanks to the in-flight entertainment, we didn't feel that it was that long. The last 30 minutes or so of the ride was pretty bumpy though! The turbulence made me feel like throwing up. I chewed some candies but it didn't really help. From the plane to the terminal was a bit of a walk but I was only too glad that we're on land. We only stayed at the airport for an hour so we only had time to eat! I got myself a hot bowl of noodles with shrimp that seems like okoy. Oh, and I bought Kit-Kat Green Tea too!

Aud, Papa, and Mama at the Narita Airport.

Mr. Hug. In this whole trip, he suddenly started hugging us all of the time. And I mean, ALL of the time.

I love Japanese food! There's a cute baby on the bottom left of this picture but his face got covered by his stroller's handle.

My first (and so far, only) Japanese food in Japan! I needed something hot after that plane ride!

USA Summer Break 2013

Technically, it was spring in the United States when we came, but hey, it's summer in Manila!

A few days after my recital, we headed to the States for around a month, the longest I've been away from my country. We went to seven states: New York, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Florida, Oregon, Washington, and California. In some states, we stayed for a week or so while in some states, we only stayed for a day or two. We have been to a lot of places, seen a lot of sights, and met up with our relatives and some friends from there! The next posts will be filled with pictures and some stories of how our trip went. Read on! :)

Hmm!

Guilty of being distracted all the time--- err most of the time!