When Love Arrives

My favorite spoken word poem by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye. Relevance.

I knew exactly what love looked like – in seventh grade

Even though I hadn’t met love yet, if love had wandered into my homeroom, I would’ve recognized him at first glance. Love wore a hemp necklace.
I would’ve recognized her at first glance, love wore a tight french braid.
Love played acoustic guitar and knew all my favorite Beatles songs.
Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me.
And I knew, I just must be searching the wrong classrooms, just must be checking the wrong hallways, she was there, I was sure of it.
If only I could find him.

But when love finally showed up, she had a bow cut.
He wore the same clothes every day for a week.
Love hated the bus.
Love didn’t know anything about The Beatles.
Instead, every time I try to kiss love, our teeth got in the way.
Love became the reason I lied to my parents. I’m going to- Ben’s house.
Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor, but made sure we never missed a slow song.
Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up it would be: “Hello? Hello? I guess they hung up.”

And love grew, stretched like a trampoline.
Love changed. Love disappeared,
Slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed.
Love vanished like an amateur magician, and everyone could see the trapdoor but me.
Like a flat tire, there were other places I planned on going, but my plans didn’t matter.
Love stayed away for years, and when love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him.
Love smelt different now, had darker eyes, a broader back, love came with freckles I didn’t recognize.
New birthmarks, a softer voice.
Now there were new sleeping patterns, new favorite books.
Love had songs that reminded him of someone else, songs love didn’t like to listen to. So did I.

But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly
We found jokes that make us laugh.
And now, love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies.
But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack.
Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer.
Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator.
Love knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned.
Love is messier now, not as simple.
Love uses the words “boobs” in front of my parents.
Love chews too loud.
Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste.
Love uses smiley faces in her text messages.
And turns out, love shits!

But love also cries.
And love will tell you you are beautiful and mean it, over and over again. “You are beautiful.”
When you first wake up, “you are beautiful.”
When you’ve just been crying, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t want to hear it, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t believe it, “you are beautiful.”
When nobody else will tell you, “you are beautiful.”
Love still thinks you are beautiful.
But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget, when you need to hear it most, you are beautiful, do not forget this.

Love is not who you were expecting, love is not who you can predict.
Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep;
You are in California, Australia, wide awake.
Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone.
Maybe love is not ready for you.
Maybe you are not ready for love.
Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type.
Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce, love is older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered.
Maybe love is only there for a month.
Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit.
Maybe love stays- maybe love can’t.
Maybe love shouldn’t.

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to,
And love leaves exactly when love must.
When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”
If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper,
“Thank you for stopping by.”

Here we go again.

"You would be great anywhere!"

This should really make me feel good but whenever I see something like this, I just remember the what could have been's and the what if's.

Run Away With Me

Doesn't this version just make you want to runaway?

Of all the artists who covered this amazing song, I love Jeremy Jordan's version best. The song and his version also reminds me why I love musical theater. It's a guy song but it is so powerful that it urges me to sing it! It lights you up and slowly warms you until you get so hot that you have to burst with emotions.

It's a great pick me up song when I don't feel like rehearsing. Seeing and hearing this just makes me want to sing. Heehee! I love this song so much.

Say what?

I was supposed to watch Downton Abbey but I thought I'd rather check my online class' requirements for this week. Lo and behold, another interview paper due by the end of the week. Goodness. Does my teacher think that all her students have access to all teachers? And do all these teachers have time? Do we have this much time? I don't! This is stressing me out.

I just finished my interior design requirements and I'm about to prepare for tomorrow's music class. The online class is okay, mind you. I just loathe it when I have to interview.

For the last quarter of 2013, I told myself, "Hey, why not work to the bones and disregard all social life possibilities?" I have a knack for wanting to do a lot of things at the same time. Currently, I have:

• 12 units in PSID
• 6 units in UP
• Music lessons
• PETA workshop

All of them are getting quite a lot of my energy... and sanity. To add to the stress, sometimes, some, if not all, of them require me to do/finish things on the same date. Last Saturday, I had voice exam, supposed midterms for UP, and workshop day 1. The next will be on the last weekend of November/first weekend of December. Finals in UP and showcase in PETA.

I would like to act that I'm so chill and all. But no.

Oh well. "Ginusto ko 'to."

Might as well.

Hopefully when I write another entry at around Christmas break, I'll be looking back with a smile on my face and pride in my heart that I did my best in everything I put myself into. That's the only way!

God, I will not ask you to lessen my load but I'm asking you to give me strength so I can do them all. I know that with You, anything is possible.

Ugh.

My acid reflux is going on haywire again! I am not even eating the foods that I am not allowed to eat! What is wrong?! :(

This woke me up today. Pfft.

Chords

I just read a few articles about music composition. I started with chords and tried reading what I can about them. I understood some but they still left me like this:

My music theory isn't that sharp! (No pun intended.) Eep. Composition pa naman sa PETA! Oh noes. Must memorize these chord progressions, etc!

Friday!!!

It's Friday. It's 1:30 am now and I just finished my practice for tomorrow. I really hope I'll do well! I haven't had any practice this week because I was out on a trip but hopefully, things will get better! I'm feeling positive. Let's get it on!

Ilocos 2013!

Upon learning that we would have a one week term break, my friends and I decided that we should definitely go out and enjoy that rare break. We went on an adventure to Ilocos early this week! It's my third time in Ilocos (third time to travel by land, too) but it was still fun!

We met at McDo GH early Sunday morning, traveled, and reached Laoag in around 9 hours. Karlo drove the car and I had to adjust myself to his driving. We ran at the range of 80 to 180 kph! I was at the edge of my seat a few times but I have to give it to him for always being able to overtake on time. I don't know if he was also equally aware about the left and right sides like he was about the front and back but good thing no one passed across us along the way. We only had one stopover which was at Max's La Union for lunch. From there, we met our other friend who traveled by plane at Fort Ilocandia. She treated us with merienda and her family friends who came with her gave us some pieces of advice regarding our trip. At around 5 or 6, it went dark and we left for Pagudpud.

At Caltex GH, filling up the gas tank!

What happened when we opened the windows while we running at 100+ kph!

Waiting for our merienda at Red 8 in Fort Ilocandia

My friend's really huge special empanda dinner at our hotel's restaurant.

My fish sisig. I didn't finish it on the first night so they suggested that they would just keep it for when I want it again. I had them again on our second night along with my grilled lobsters (no picture). 

We woke up early the next morning for our Ilocos Norte tour! We had breakfast and left off. We went to the Cape Bojuador's Lighthouse, Kapurpurawan Rock Formation, and Bangui Windmills. The car's battery started acting up at the lighthouse but we were able to make it back to Manila. The rock formation trek was definitely one hot trek! The sun was directly above us and we were almost fried! The windmill area was very relaxing though.

Morning view of the beach!

Breakfast! I had Vigan longanissa and hot Milo.

Lighthouse!

At the foot of the lighthouse

My friend who went in the creepy room!

Kapurpurawan Rock Formation! Isn't this the most beautiful thing?  

My friend's emo shot by the rocks.

The 3 of us "trekked" to get here! It wasn't really scary. There were just sharp rocks and deep falls. No biggie, though!

The rocks look like sand don't they? SO BEAUTIFUL!

Me going back up!

My friends and I by the Bangui windmills! It was so peaceful. We even heard the sound of the humongous windmills!

We ate at Kang Kang Cafe (I think?) after this. It was just a stone's throw away from the windmills. Their food was okay. Their location was perfect. The sun wasn't so hot and the cool wind brushed off our faces. It was so relaxing. We went back to our hotel after lunch. We changed to our beach outfit and hit the beach! It was just a short walk from our place. We rented a mini bahay kubo and made a beeline for the water. The sand was a bit rocky at first and the waves weren't that big. It was still fun though. My guy friend kept on dancing in the water and it was the funniest thing ever. No one captured it on video though. My phone got soaked a few minutes in the water! Too much for buying waterproof case! We shared stories during dinner then we went to bed. We had a long day in the morning.

We left the hotel early and went back to Laoag. We had a quick breakfast in McDo then followed the guide to La Paz. The sand dunes experience was one for the books! I never imagined how it would be and was in awe with what I experienced. The 4x4 ride was crazy! The drops were really steep (roller coaster-like) but there was not  I-left-my-heart-on-top feeling. You have to hold tightly on the bar for your lives though. My grip left my hands red and some of the drops gave me bruises. It was really fun, nonetheless! My other friend got wounded and the other got bruised at the back as well though.

Before it all!

View on top!

My friend with her little wound from the metal frame.

Me contemplating the heat and the drop for sand boarding!

My turn in sand boarding. I just sat down once. I'm not really great in balancing.

Emo shot while waiting for my friend sand boarding?! 

Group shot by the dunes!

The sand boarding experience was fun as well. I only went once though. Balance isn't my strongest suit. Some of my friends really got the value for their money though as they went down the dunes a number of times. We traveled down to Paoay after. We visited the church (where I got my crazy wound years ago) and ate at Herencia's. Their pinakbet pizza was really good but spicy! I don't like pinakbet but I would eat the pinakbet pizza anytime! We got to Vigan at around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. We rested for a while and rode the calesa around town.

En route to Grandpa's Inn! Better than expected but no parking!

Calle Crisologo at night ;)

We visited the (not in order) bell tower, pot making place, hidden garden, and Burgos' house. We were supposed to travel somewhere else too but the places were either too far or closed. We ate at Cafe Leona's for dinner and they had yummy Vigan longanissa! We walked around Calle Crisologo then we stayed for a while in Cafe Uno.

Early Wednesday morning, we prepared for our trip back to Manila. We left my other friend who took the plane. We had a stopover in La Union. We watched some surfers and wished that we stayed one more night in La Union to learn how to surf! I wanted to get tan! Anyway, we ate at Halo Halo de Iloko after for lunch. Food was okay. Serving was small but filling nonetheless. Their iced tea was yummy! The one that took my heart though was the buko halo halo! HOLY SMOKES OF AMAZING CULINARY CREATIONS! Their halo halo was the best I had ever tasted! And I don't even like halo halo! It had ube, ube ice cream, yema pandan, cornflakes, polvoron, sweetened buko strings, nata de coco, banana, etc! It was really yummy! I wasn't able to finish it though because I was too full. If I had to travel miles to taste it again, I definitely would!

Halo Halo de Iloko's heavenly Buko Halo Halo

My friend spoofed around while we were on our way back to prevent us from getting sleepy. He gave random flying kisses to random guys (mainly students but policemen were included). A lot were passive but a few had funny reactions! One caught the kiss, the others laughed.

When we got to Manila, traffic started! It was quite a wait before we got to GH. We said good byes and I met my parents for dinner at Casa Reyes. We left for home after.

I got to know more about my new friends in this trip! Though I was pretty skeptical about joining because of schedule, etc., I'm glad I joined. 'Til the next adventure!

Finally!

Got my brows shaped today! I haven't had them done by anyone else since April! Goodness, I've been walking with uneven brows for a few days now. Eep! They don't look as lovely as they should perhaps but they're better than before!

I'm still to chicken for wax and thread. Sorreh.

I am.

A friend just texted me. She is drowning in a sea of medical information and is feeling a little saturated and stressed. She said she misses performing. She misses the kind of high you get when you get nervous. I know that feeling. As much as I hate it, I love that feeling too.

I told her that whatever she is doing now will pave a way for her do whatever she wants in the future. Hardship now may payoff soon.

In my case, I didn't want the hardship of medical school anymore. I thought that if life would be hard, let it be the kind of hard that I would want to bear every single day of my life. I may not have a concrete idea of what that is yet, but at least I'm somewhere else. Who has a complete picture of what they will be exactly anyway?

Her question made me realize something. I remember telling the Dean of Medicine that in the year or two of my supposed absence in medical school, I will try to find something else to do that can make me still perform. Or at least something like performing. I guess I got super saturated and closed in college that I never did anything else besides studying. Sure I had music lessons but it was different. My life was all about school. My life was all about getting a high grade. I guess part of why I left medical school is that I wanted to live. I wanted to experience life outside of the books. I do think about how my life would have been like had I stayed... especially during my quarter life crisis attacks. And I guess that is what has been stuck in my head right now.

I am too consumed about the future and how others are moving forward that I didn't know how to be happy anymore. I said I would find something that would allow me to perform. I did and my music lessons now are more than inspiring and fulfilling. I was able to dance last year. I just finished my rough draft of a stage design this afternoon. I am joining an art workshop tomorrow. I didn't know I was happy all along.

I guess people are too engrossed in the idea of future happiness that they forget about what the have now. Sure this feeling may end soon but for now, this is what I have. This is what we all have. If this is my time to be happy, let me be. If I am bound to be worried in the future, why take away this moment of happiness now? I will get by.

P.S.: I still lose against myself when I watch shows about how many Filipinos have poor health and how the country has poor health facilities. Those moments when I wish I was of better service. Those moments when I lose it and forget that there are other ways to help. They may not be like how doctors help, but they are still a kind of help. Oh well.

Ponder.

When will my life begin.
I'm wondering if I'll ever live contented.
If I'll ever find it.
If I'll ever be happy.
Life is hard.

Strong but.

The heart glows with passion
But it pumps blood across the room.
You try to contain the mess
But the more you make efforts,
The more mess it makes.
Blood splattered around the room.
Blood slowly getting life away from you.

Inspiring Read.

Verbatim from http://www.knowledgeformen.com/10-reasons-why-no-one-knows-what-theyre-doing-in-their-20s/

The 10 Reasons Why No One Knows What They’re Doing in Their 20s
by Andrew Ferebee on July 29, 2013 in Growth, Relationships 

Why is it that asking someone about what they’re doing (or want to do) with their life tend to drag down the conversation. Talk about movies and music, and they’re happy and engaged. Ask them about their ambitions in life, and the light in their eyes goes out. People don’t want to talk about their future, career, or school. 

How profoundly sad is that? Why is talking about what you want to do in life a boring subject? Shouldn’t it be the most exciting of all? 

This lack of direction is crippling, and it comes in part from society telling us that taking certain steps when we’re young will result in success and happiness later, like life is a magical machine—drop in a college degree, a corporate job, a house with a picket fence and a 401k, and out pops a happy life. We all know life has never been that simple, especially not now. 

Just because you’re busy doesn’t mean you know what you’re doing. If you’re in school, great. If you’ve got a good job, well done. But why are you doing the things you do? Where will you be next year?  How about ten years from now? Where do you want to be, and how do you plan on getting there? 

It seems that people are going down a blind path in the hope that it will all work out. 

Why gamble the one life you have to live?

The 10 Reasons Why No One Knows What They’re Doing in Their 20s

1. You didn’t take advantage of your college years.  You chose a major because you were good at it in high school and you found it  ”interesting”. You thought joining clubs would take up too much time, so you said “maybe next semester”, yet you never did. You were studying subjects you weren’t passionate about but, you thought having a high gpa would equal success.  It didn’t, and you’re slowly becoming very angry now that you’re working a job you have no idea how you got into when you graduated Magna Cum Laude. 

Here’s where most people are in their 20s:

• In college, majoring in something they chose out of convenience, but they have no real idea what they’re going to do with their education.

• In graduate school because they got a BA in something they don’t know what to do with.

• In a job with their major in an industry they have no real passion for, and they’re surrounded by people who did the same thing. They have a decent salary and benefits, live in a nice apartment, and leased a new car, so they’re very reluctant to leave.

Why is it that students spend more time on Facebook in one week then they do picking their own major? It’s likely to cost $25,000-$100,000, and it’s an investment of four years of your life (nowadays 5 years). That’s a big deal, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly. 

It’s not about what your parents want, what feels safe, or what you were good at in high school. It’s about recognizing what your truest self has always wanted to do—the thing you were born to do. The thing you could do every single day without ever feeling tired of it. 

“There are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, completely – or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands. You have that moment now. Choose!” – Oscar Wilde 

Imagine that an uncle you didn’t know passed away and you inherited millions. If you never needed to work again, what would you fill your days with? What would you want to accomplish? Chances are, the answer to that question is what you should be doing. Find a way to turn your passion into a career. In this day and age we need to stop putting our passions aside and start living them. 

Stop chasing money and start chasing happiness. (And no, money does not buy happiness.)
Then, pick a major that you want to study. Don’t choose it because your friends are doing it or because it “seems like a smart choice.” Study something that matters to you, the thing that will drive you to stay up until 2AM finishing that text and wake up bright and early at 7AM, happy to get to your first class. 

2. You live for the future. You are not enjoying the present moment. No wonder most people don’t know what they’re doing in their 20s. You expect that some event in the future will make you happy. Living for the future and thinking the future will be better after something is completed or once you’ve earned degree, grad school or promotion at work. You are missing the opportunities around you in the present because you live for the future. 

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking how you’ll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” – John Green 

Life fully in the present. Don’t live to be happy. Be happy while living. Don’t make happiness as the end product of your achievements/goals – get a perfect job/car/house/spouse.  Derive happiness from whatever you are doing at present. It is the journey that you must enjoy not the end result. Time is ticking and you will not get it back. 

Live fully and embrace the present. You can walk your way through life thinking the future will be brighter but if you are not doing the things that matter or count today then you will never arrive.  You’ve got to love the journey. 

3. Your parents control you. Parents have a major influence on the lives of children, and that’s appropriate—they’re fronting most of the bills. But what you have to understand is that your parents want what is safe and secure for you. They’re less interested in whether or not that makes you truly happy.They don’t want you to take the risk and fail. They want you to be financially independent. They want to know that you can pay your own bills and provide for their future grandchildren. Sometimes the harder route is better for us, and we as adult individuals can see that, but our parents can’t see our lives in the same light. 

For most parents, work is work. This is in part generational. Most parents have  spent their entire lives doing things they didn’t like to provide for you. (You have to respect that.)
So, while you should respect the wishes and viewpoints of your parents, you don’t have to mindlessly trudge down the path they lay out for you. If you truly want to do something, you need to take control of your own life and do it. At the end of the day, it’s your life to live. 

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.” – Mahatma Gandhi 

Listen to them. Consider their advice. They’ve been around a lot longer than you, and they’ve got a lot of wisdom and good sense to share. But it’s nothing new for children to hold different values and goals than their parents, and at some point you have to learn to define your own code. This phenomenon is part of coming of age, and it’s a natural, healthy part of the human experience. 

4. Your environment is holding you back. What you surround yourself with affects who you are and what you do. How will you ever figure out what to do in your 20s if your friends spend their time playing Xbox, watching movies, hitting the bars, and doing things that provide instant gratification instead of working towards their goals, that’s what you’re going to do, too. Yes, these things are fun. But everything in moderation, right? 

Excessive indulgence (whether it’s drinking, partying, drug use, sex, junk eating, or whatever) can prevent you from focusing on self-discovery and improvement, and it can even become your worst enemy. Being social is good, and involving yourself in the right relationships can encourage and empower you.However, filling your nights with temporary pleasures is just that—temporary. It’s fleeting. And yes, it will get old. The problem for most people is that when it gets old, they’re also older, and in the meantime they haven’t gotten themselves to the place in life that they want to be. 

“You are the average of the five people you associate with most, so do not underestimate the effects of your pessimistic, unambitious, or disorganized friends. If someone isn’t making you stronger, they’re making you weaker.” ― Timothy Ferriss 

Instead, surround yourself with people who have qualities you admire, who are smarter and more driven than you. Let their success rub off. Soak up their energy, and let their drive help push you to be better too. Outside of school, this is harder. And don’t be one-sided about it either—remember that you can positively influence others by encouraging others to be their best selves. 

If you want to get somewhere, then hang out with the people who are already there or who also want to get there.  Change your environment, change your friends, and you change everything. 

5. You’ve taken the wrong path. Most young people suffer from being totally short-sighted. They think they’ll have plenty of time to get what they want, so they don’t take the appropriate steps now, and suddenly life passes them by. Too many of us are all about short term gains and happiness.We want to be happy now, and we won’t sacrifice any part of that in return for future gains. So, we get stuck in the endless cycle of day to day motions, because we’re content with that cycle. School, work, gym, go out. That’s not necessarily bad, but it’s not going to lead you to anything greater down the line. 

You could be spending most of your time climbing a ladder leaned up against the wrong wall (most people do). Just because theirs a ladder presented in front of you doesn’t mean you need to climb it. Go find the right ladder. Go find the ladder destined for you. Find your mission. 

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson 

The mantra for all of this, the surface-level motto that’s been adopted and twisted to encourage the dumbest of behavior, is YOLO. You Only Live Once? Exactly. You only live once, so why waste your time doing something you don’t even care about? Nobody’s going to tell you what to do, and nobody’s going to hold your hand and lead you down the path that will lead you to long-lasting future fulfillment. 

Most people don’t care who you are or what you do. It’s up to you to decide what you really want to do, then start taking steps to make it happen. Go. 

6. You stopped learning. Your education begins after graduation, not ends. School isn’t the only outlet for learning. Think about learning from experience and results. What have you done? What skills do you possess? Learning is an ongoing process, not something you actively choose to do. A lifelong education can also be your greatest tool—and one that’s an absolute necessity for greatness. 

Read books. Think about it this way; someone spent their entire life learning some painful lesson and is offering these golden nuggets to you for less than $10. Why wouldn’t you take that knowledge so you can learn from others. Anything you want to learn is at your fingertips. Read. 

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education” – Mark Twain
Stick to people who do what you want to do. Call people. Get on LinkedIn and connect with them, and get an internship or an entry level job, whatever you need to do to break into the industry that you truly care about.When you’re passionate about it all, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you learn, how hungrily you consume new knowledge. Connect with peers, too; you can learn just as readily from others like you, since you all have new and unique experiences to bring to the table. 

This is the wisest investment you can make. Make constant learning a habit. Knowledge can’t be stolen or broken like material things. That’s why millionaires are broke one year and richer the next year. It’s not the money that got them rich it was the knowledge.The bank can’t repossess your mind. Invest in your mind, and you’ll be able to put it to work for you until you’re dead. 

7. You do the same thing everyday. Just because you get older doesn’t mean you’ll become more successful. That’s an assumption a lot of people seem to make, whether they realize it or not, and it’s false. After you graduate, it’s completely up to you to make forward progressions in your life. 

No one is going to hand you anything, and you’re wrong if you think you automatically deserve it—after all, you probably haven’t really done anything yet. The modern world is full of overeducated twenty-somethings with no real career prospects, baffled at how things have turned out, still living off of the US Bank of Mom and Dad. 

“If you do tomorrow what you did today, you will get tomorrow what you got today.” – Benjamin Franklin 

No one knows what they’re doing in their 20s because very few understand that time is the most precious asset in life, and you will never get it back. Not even billionaires can buy more time. They die, just like you and I will. Time is your most valuable resource, and it’s constantly trickling away. You can save up money, you can strive to earn more later and make up the losses from your youth, but your time here is finite.If you want different results tomorrow, do different things today. It will never be easier to take big risks and try new things than when you’re still young—you’re likely to have fewer commitments and obligations to hold you down. If your environment is holding you back, change your environment. 

Form the habits that will define your adult life. Eliminate the negative, embrace the positive, and form habits that breed success. 

Eventually, everyone realizes they’re temporary. It sinks in, little by little, that you won’t be here forever. Understand this while you are young vs in your 50s when you finally realize that your youth has passed you by. The fact that your life can and will end, something you’re desensitized to as a young person (because we assume our time is still long, and it seems endless), becomes reality. 

For most people, that change comes too late in life. Allow yourself to feel it. Accept it. Meditate on it. Your time is going to fly by. Start making it count today. Live with purpose. Live with passion. 

8. You’ve escaped to grad school. You should go to grad school if you want to pursue a career that requires it. Don’t go just for the hell of it, or to put off entering the job market, or to improve your resume by adding an additional line to it. Show employers results, not degrees.
Too many people go to grad school as a means of hiding out, because they’re afraid of the world beyond academia. It’s all they know. These people don’t usually fare well once grad school is over. 

Grad school is not a way to prolong the day of reckoning. 

There are countless job applicants with freshly minted masters degrees that they’re not going to use, and I see countless people making plans for grad school without a clue as to why they want to do it. It sounds nice to say, “i’m in grad school”, yet I can always sense a feeling of uncertainty behind those words. For many of them, it’s an investment of tens of thousands of dollars and 2 to 3 years of their life. That’s a third of their twenties. It’s valuable time. Is it worth it? 

And depending on the field you’re going into, it might not make you more competitive. What it will definitely do, however, is keep you from getting valuable work experience that much longer. 

Meanwhile, your peers who spent those years learning practical lessons the hard way are going to be more competitive than you and have more real world experience. 

“Within a couple of weeks of starting the Ph.D. program, though, she discovered that she’d booked passage on a sinking ship. There aren’t any jobs, the other students informed her; the profession’s glutted with tenured old men who won’t step aside for the next generation. Meanwhile, the Internet’s booming, and the kids we gave C pluses to are waltzing out of college and getting rich on stock options while we bust our asses for a pathetic stipend that doesn’t even cover the rent.” – Tom Perrotta 

In the worst case scenario, you’re required to take on additional burdensome student loans, and those hang around your neck like an albatross for a decade after. That sort of debt can force you to stick with a job—any job, even one you hate—to struggle to make those minimum payments for decades. 

Graduate school isn’t inherently bad, and for some people it’s the right decision. But it’s never the right decision to do it just for something to do. Know your path, and make a logical, rational decision about whether or not graduate school is a smart stepping stone on your path. 

9. You’re not pushing yourself. Being talented isn’t enough. Success is a product of hard work, not talent. We all know talented people whose skills are never put to good use through sheer laziness. Negative thinking like “I have no talent” or “I’m not smart enough” is not an excuse for not trying something. 

No one knows what they’re doing in their 20s because very few realize that you just have to do the work. Do it over and over again. Fail over and over again, cry over and over again, get back up and learn from those experiences. Talk to people, research, adjust your strategies, and try again. Persistence is a virtue.Once you’ve started, don’t stop. Fix errors, but don’t quit. You’ve probably tried many things in your life, but you likely haven’t ever committed fully to one for a long period of time. When the goal you’re working on is your life’s true mission, you’ll find it hard to toss aside—the drive inside will tell you to keep going. 

Listen to that fire. It’s not always going to be easy, but then again, no great thing ever is. When your social life begins to suffer, your cash flow gets tight, and the frustrations start piling up, don’t quit. That’s progress, and it’s not easy, but there’s a light on the other side of it. Those who can breakthrough those moments is what separates the wolves from the sheep. 

“It ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!” – Rocky Balboa 

There is anecdotal evidence that in order to truly master something you have to spend ~10,000 hours doing it. That’s equivalent to five work years. Through perseverance you can out perform those with raw talent and no work ethic any day of the week. 

Don’t sit back in a comfortable job that will give you a 5% annual raise. You are not learning. You are not pushing yourself. You are not growing. You’re wasting your time and living a life of complacency. If you want to see change, you are going to have to take risk, put in the time and work your ass off. 

10. You’re a walking stimulus junkie. You’re on the cutting edge of every trend. You’re in the know on the latest fashions, and you’ve got a ferocious sense of style. You’re a shopaholic and love malls. You binge on entire seasons of hot new TV shows, and your Netflix queue is a mile long. 

Sound like you? If so, you might be a stimulus junkie—moving from one stimulating quick fix at a time to another, consuming the newest media and trends like an addict.
Nice watch, nice glasses, nice car—who cares? Will it matter 3 years from now? How about 10? 

Don’t worry i’ll wait.. 

“The things you own end up owning you. It’s only after you lose everything that you’re free to do anything.” – Chuck Palahniuk 

These aren’t bad things, but when they become all-consuming they keep you from developing a fulfilling life of action. They turn you into purely a consumer instead of a producer. Stop consuming information and start creating a life worth living. 

Watch this scene from “Into the Wild” to better understand what it means to live unbound.

Stop wasting time filling your life with the things that billion dollar marketing companies tell you that you need, and instead build your days on getting to where you want to be. 

Whenever you’re making a decision about life, ask yourself: “Is this making me a more confident person and advancing my goals, or is this distancing me from who I’m meant to be?” If your habits are keeping you from progressing, ditch ‘em—they’re only holding you up. Move forward now.

Meh.

I usually pick my clothes the night before, if I feel like dressing a bit nicely, and pick just whatever when the day feels ordinary on the day itself. I spent around 30 minutes this morning trying to choose what to wear for the day. Fridays aren't ordinary but I didn't have the time last night.

I went through 3 changes and I felt frustrated that the clothes don't match or have problems with them. I thought I was taking too much time so I just stopped caring, kept all my choices away, and just donned a dress. Simple and fast.

However, I had been told by a guard that my skirt was too short. At first, I thought it wasn't but then I tried understanding that I was in a conservative school. Too much for just wanting to dress up fast that morning. Meh.

Something to think about...

Biting Panaginip

Literally.

I woke up at 7:22 today because of my dream. It seemed like I didn't want to leave it. To be honest, I only knew I was being awaken around the same time, not a few minutes before it.

In my brief dream, I was in an elevator in what seemed like the CCP. I was with a guy with an instrument (don't know if violin or viola). He left on the top floor and well, I never left because I woke up. I got all scared inside and I started singing. And I sang pretty well! Whoot! That's all. 

Bummer.

So I just finished my latest plate. It has lots of mistakes. I just hate that i have to do it again. I spent 4 hours for this. Goodness. Another 4 for the next one? I plan on finishing the box and dressed up plates tonight but it looks like I can't. Pfft.

What is this feeling?

I have been having this recurring pain (tolerance level out of 10-- 1) at my lower left ribs. I don't know what it is but it's weird. My heart feels weird at the moment too. Oh geez.

Morbid as it may seem, let me say that I love you all. I might have not found my way yet but I am thankful for everything that has happened. Hehe. Oops! Stop, self. I have yet to change the world.

50 Things Survey

Copy and paste and fill it out on your own blog.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:10 am

2. How do you like your steak? Medium, medium well.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Debosyon (a Cinemalaya entry)

4. What is your favorite TV show? I love PLL and OUAT!

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I haven't really thought about that yet.

6. What did you have for breakfast? Nothing. Empty is better than having a not full stomach for me before music lessons. Weird me.

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Filipino! Japanese comes second.

8. What foods do you dislike? Vegetables in general.

9. Favorite Place to Eat? It always depends on the mood.

10. Favorite dressing? Caesar's.

11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? I don't drive, drive. Montero Sport.

12. What are your favorite clothes? Nice top, shorts.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? I really want to see Egypt.

14. Where would you want to retire? Haven't thought about that yet.

15. Favorite time of day? Time when I don't have to worry about anything. This usually lasts for a few minutes only.

16. Where were you born? I was born beautiful in Manila. (Reference: Ekstra film. "I wasn't born yesterday. I was born beautiful. You? You were just born." -- best line!)

17. What is your favorite sport to watch? I am not into sports in any way. But I like watching my friends whatever field they are in.

19. How many siblings? One.

20. Favorite pastime/hobby? IG surfing. Reading music. Conceptualizing.

21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? No one really. Haha!

22. Bird watcher? No.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person? Both. I am awesome. (Kidding.)

24. Do you have any pets? No. Oh wait, I have a turtle! But my brother got him. So yeah, no.

25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I might not go to Europe next week, but I might give Set Design a shot in NZ or Australia sometime soon! And we're going to SG! :)

26. What did you want to be when you were little? Solid doctor. Changed my mind though.

27. What is your best childhood memory? I don't really know! I have a lot. Yiee :)

28. Are you a cat or dog person? I am generally scared of dogs and I find cats too moody for my life.

29. Are you married? No.

30. Always wear your seat belt? Now, yes.

31. Been in a car accident? Once.

32. Any pet peeves? People who cough or sneeze without covering. Geez! I don't want your germs.

33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Cheese, ham, pineapple, bacon

34. Favorite Flower? Tulips!

35. Favorite ice cream? Vanilla bean.

36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Nahh.

37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Never. Bwahaha!

38. From whom did you get your last email? Blogger. Oops.

39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? F21, Promod, or some art supply store!

40. Do anything spontaneous lately? I exercised. Haha!

41. Like your job? I don't have a job. Sucks.

42. Broccoli? With beef.

43. What was your favorite vacation? Probably the latest one in the States. Went to a lot of places and people were a lot more friendly!

44. Last person you went out to dinner with? My friends after our Cinemalaya watching.

45. What are you listening to right now? A Whole New World! OMG. I'm on a random person's playlist.

46. What is your favorite color? Yellow.

47. How many tattoos do you have? None.

49. What time did you finish this quiz? I haven't.

50. Coffee Drinker? No.

To answer #49 again, 2:28 am.

Ahh. School over for the week!

It's Wednesday and that means last day of school for the week for me!

I was surprised that we discussed the whole English period in one meeting. I only studied half of it for the post-test so I crammed the other half during the 20-minute study break. The exam result was okay. The plate was pretty easy too compared to last week's! When I passed my homework, my teacher laughed at my lion's paw drawing. He said it looked like a man's foot. I laughed too! No offense was taken, to be honest.

After class, we made a beeline for CCP. We were supposed to watch Debosyon at 3:30 but since we were able to come early, we made it to the 12:45 show as well! We bought tickets when we got there. We were 15 minutes late for Sana Dati but it's good that we were still able to catch it! The film is the latest of a series. We weren't able to watch the first part and the first two films but the film was pretty okay. It made me curious.

We had a quick lunch at Army Navy before the Debosyon showing. We ate tapa! Anyway, I felt sleepy so I think I slept for a while while watching! I missed a few parts but I got the story. Debosyon is another product from Bicol! I have heard Oryol, Magayon, etc. for quite a lot of times lately. Anyway, I was up and attentive when a family gave gifts to the leads. The family looked very familiar to me and I thought that they were my Aeta immersion family. I forgot to check the credits if it was them. But it was cool! The film was pretty good but it left me hanging in the end. I am not sure if my interpretation is correct.

When I got back, I rested for a bit and started with my Perspective plate. I had to redo what I was doing for quite a while because of wrong grid basis. I was able to finish it 2 hours ago. I only have to add the title but since I forgot it, I'd ask my friends who have class tomorrow to tell me what the title is.

Well, that's pretty much it! I still have issues with my life being monotonous and letting go. Haay.

Update Part 2!

Surprise, surprise! I still haven't found a better platform for the diary entries so I'll put today's here again. :)

I was late in my first class this morning. We left the house at 8 and arrived at school at around 9:10. The traffic around school was crazy plus the U-turn slot was closed! We had to take another U-turn at a farther place. I saw my friend standing outside the school when I came. She forgot her ID so she wasn't allowed in. Anyway, it was my second late for the same class. One more late and it will be counted as an absence! Oops. To add to the misery, we had our scheduled quiz that morning too. When I came, some of my classmates were already in the second page of the exam. I hurried answering because I know that the teacher would not give me extra time. I was able to finish the exam though... and even earlier than the others. :)

We ate lunch at the school canteen again. I ate Pininyahan. It's starting to be favorite school food! I have never tasted that dish outside school and it's pretty good compared to the other viands they serve. The canteen had limited seats and I am only too happy that we were able to get a table! After eating, we headed to the room and waited for the next class.

Our teacher came in a bit late then he started with his demo. We always have to come together to see the demo. I don't know if it's a good thing but my friend and I were directly in front of our teacher when he did the demo. We were able to see the demo clearly but my legs and body were crying! My friend and I shared one seat... and I guess the reason why one seat is only for one person is because it cannot fit two! My legs were fatigued but I kept looking like nothing's wrong. Haha! After around an hour, the demo was done and we were left to do our own plate. Notice the word "left". We've been told that the plate might take us until 5 pm... Some of us really took that long but our teacher wasn't there anymore when we passed the plates. We only gave it to the office. I found that sad. I still feel bad that we cannot redo plates and have homework like the other batches. Unfair? I digress.

My head started aching halfway through the demo. I was in a pretty bad mood when I left school. When I was fetched I reminded my mom again about the ITR requirement for the visa. I don't really know why I am still hoping for that. Can I really leave in less than 2 weeks? Ugh. Maybe it wasn't a good thing to say at the start of the ride. I just kept quiet and refused to eat the whole ride. I wasn't being a brat. I was having a bad day plus the chances of my dreams being fulfilled are being erased slowly.

I just studied for my exam tomorrow when I came back. I napped once in a while and viewed social media maybe more than I should. I just finished practicing for Friday before typing this entry. I hope tomorrow will be better.