Update, Update!

And just like that, we're in 2019! I never really got into reading much of my past posts anymore because of the drama it carried. Haha! Big hug to my past self.

A lot has changed in the course of the years. I had healed. I had gone to corporate and left. I have a crazy dog. I would like to think that I have matured more and became stronger. A lot of unknown and unsure stuff still but better than before.

I'm really here to share bits of what my first week in my new work was!

Our office has a classic, timeless design that reminds me of my trips to the theater. The table layout makes it quite harder to talk with anyone. This maybe a good thing or not. The people are generally more formal and quiet. Legit corporate feel. They are nice but I still need a few more weeks to bond with them so I can know and understand their personalities and interests. Good thing I have a friend from my previous work to show me around and teach me the ways of the new company.

I love how we have a LOT of food options now with people who actually want to go out. Haha! It's quite heavy on the pocket but I'll see in the next weeks how it will affect me generally. Right now, I'm just enjoying the new tastes and rekindling with old ones! So far, we have tried: Pancake House (just learned about Booky discounts), Local Edition (just walked with them; no order lol), Pinkberry, Berde (my favorite so far! Baka bowl <3), Drip (tried their passionfruit), Bugong, and Landmark Food Court (had KFC lol). I have a funny feeling that I will seriously gain weight here. I think I already gained a pound from the past week and I haven't even tried the milk teas yet! I might go back to diet delivery food just to maintain weight.

I love that the office is more lax when it comes to phone usage, breaks, deadlines. I realized how hard and rigid our life was before. I don't complain though. It taught me discipline and respect that I need now. It helps me to be grateful instead of being entitled.

Work-wise, I'm still adjusting to their system and programs. Slowly but surely I will get there. I just have to stop second guessing myself or assume the worst in situations. I have to embrace the opportunity to grow and make mistakes especially when the tasks and design problems are different from what I have always been used to.

I'm excited to see what else is in store for me here. Hopefully a fulfilling career will ensue.

Hello again!

I can't believe I missed a year's worth of writing! A lot of life has happened and I can't wait to share some things that I have learned along the way. I'm going back to writing as I find it very therapeutic. I also think that it's a good means of visiting the past. I just re-read some of my posts here and the other places. Cringe much? Hahaha.

Difference.

Of being too different. Of not being enough. Of late nights wondering what I am doing. Of days needing. Of moments of failure. Of times of no control.

I guess you can say I am still lost but I try to make most of what I do now. I can't wait to grab an opportunity to work so I can pay back to my parents and have money to spare. It's harder to ask for money when everyone in your generation works and you have more need of it than usual.

I have come to the point too that I don't know what romantic love is. If I am capable of it. If I am enough.

I have come to the point that, in life, I just feel so damn tired. I forgot what it really means to be truly happy. To have a dream. To make others happy. Without being held back of my limitations.

Hurt too much and don't want to cause hurt.

No use for a new room. No use for any future presents and dreams.

I feel like sometimes, I don't want to care about anything anymore. But the people who love me and want me happy push me to be okay. It's like I couldn't take it more if they know I'm not okay. But really, I'm just tired. Of everything.

I'm sorry.
I love you.

Dream big.

I can't wait for this term to be over. I need to rethink my life. New perspective. New goals. New outlook. I feel so small. I feel like I have so much but I don't make the most of it. Geez, Angela. Time to step it up?

When Love Arrives

My favorite spoken word poem by Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye. Relevance.

I knew exactly what love looked like – in seventh grade

Even though I hadn’t met love yet, if love had wandered into my homeroom, I would’ve recognized him at first glance. Love wore a hemp necklace.
I would’ve recognized her at first glance, love wore a tight french braid.
Love played acoustic guitar and knew all my favorite Beatles songs.
Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me.
And I knew, I just must be searching the wrong classrooms, just must be checking the wrong hallways, she was there, I was sure of it.
If only I could find him.

But when love finally showed up, she had a bow cut.
He wore the same clothes every day for a week.
Love hated the bus.
Love didn’t know anything about The Beatles.
Instead, every time I try to kiss love, our teeth got in the way.
Love became the reason I lied to my parents. I’m going to- Ben’s house.
Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor, but made sure we never missed a slow song.
Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up it would be: “Hello? Hello? I guess they hung up.”

And love grew, stretched like a trampoline.
Love changed. Love disappeared,
Slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed.
Love vanished like an amateur magician, and everyone could see the trapdoor but me.
Like a flat tire, there were other places I planned on going, but my plans didn’t matter.
Love stayed away for years, and when love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him.
Love smelt different now, had darker eyes, a broader back, love came with freckles I didn’t recognize.
New birthmarks, a softer voice.
Now there were new sleeping patterns, new favorite books.
Love had songs that reminded him of someone else, songs love didn’t like to listen to. So did I.

But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly
We found jokes that make us laugh.
And now, love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies.
But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack.
Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer.
Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator.
Love knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned.
Love is messier now, not as simple.
Love uses the words “boobs” in front of my parents.
Love chews too loud.
Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste.
Love uses smiley faces in her text messages.
And turns out, love shits!

But love also cries.
And love will tell you you are beautiful and mean it, over and over again. “You are beautiful.”
When you first wake up, “you are beautiful.”
When you’ve just been crying, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t want to hear it, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t believe it, “you are beautiful.”
When nobody else will tell you, “you are beautiful.”
Love still thinks you are beautiful.
But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget, when you need to hear it most, you are beautiful, do not forget this.

Love is not who you were expecting, love is not who you can predict.
Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep;
You are in California, Australia, wide awake.
Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone.
Maybe love is not ready for you.
Maybe you are not ready for love.
Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type.
Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce, love is older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered.
Maybe love is only there for a month.
Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit.
Maybe love stays- maybe love can’t.
Maybe love shouldn’t.

Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to,
And love leaves exactly when love must.
When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”
If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper,
“Thank you for stopping by.”

Here we go again.

"You would be great anywhere!"

This should really make me feel good but whenever I see something like this, I just remember the what could have been's and the what if's.

Run Away With Me

Doesn't this version just make you want to runaway?

Of all the artists who covered this amazing song, I love Jeremy Jordan's version best. The song and his version also reminds me why I love musical theater. It's a guy song but it is so powerful that it urges me to sing it! It lights you up and slowly warms you until you get so hot that you have to burst with emotions.

It's a great pick me up song when I don't feel like rehearsing. Seeing and hearing this just makes me want to sing. Heehee! I love this song so much.

Say what?

I was supposed to watch Downton Abbey but I thought I'd rather check my online class' requirements for this week. Lo and behold, another interview paper due by the end of the week. Goodness. Does my teacher think that all her students have access to all teachers? And do all these teachers have time? Do we have this much time? I don't! This is stressing me out.

I just finished my interior design requirements and I'm about to prepare for tomorrow's music class. The online class is okay, mind you. I just loathe it when I have to interview.

For the last quarter of 2013, I told myself, "Hey, why not work to the bones and disregard all social life possibilities?" I have a knack for wanting to do a lot of things at the same time. Currently, I have:

• 12 units in PSID
• 6 units in UP
• Music lessons
• PETA workshop

All of them are getting quite a lot of my energy... and sanity. To add to the stress, sometimes, some, if not all, of them require me to do/finish things on the same date. Last Saturday, I had voice exam, supposed midterms for UP, and workshop day 1. The next will be on the last weekend of November/first weekend of December. Finals in UP and showcase in PETA.

I would like to act that I'm so chill and all. But no.

Oh well. "Ginusto ko 'to."

Might as well.

Hopefully when I write another entry at around Christmas break, I'll be looking back with a smile on my face and pride in my heart that I did my best in everything I put myself into. That's the only way!

God, I will not ask you to lessen my load but I'm asking you to give me strength so I can do them all. I know that with You, anything is possible.

Ugh.

My acid reflux is going on haywire again! I am not even eating the foods that I am not allowed to eat! What is wrong?! :(

This woke me up today. Pfft.

Chords

I just read a few articles about music composition. I started with chords and tried reading what I can about them. I understood some but they still left me like this:

My music theory isn't that sharp! (No pun intended.) Eep. Composition pa naman sa PETA! Oh noes. Must memorize these chord progressions, etc!